Ansem Goes to Counciling
by inkedhymnal
Summary: Just as the title says. Sora drags Ansem to counciling and insanity ensues. Just a random act of insanity, so if you feel like it - read it. Please R&R. Thank you.


ANSEM GOES TO COUNCILING

Session 1

"I am Ansem, seeker of the darkness!" Ansem roared to no one in particular.

Sora swore he heard the sound of a record being stopped very rapidly, "Hold up! Why the heck am I doing this? And why the heck do you keeping preaching on and on about the god ***** darkness?!"

Ansem gave him a look of  "how-dare-you-interrupt- me-when- I – am –trying – to announce- your – death!" "Because I have devoted my life to it, that's why!" 

Ansem began to see little stars before his vision and Sora saw little plants whirling around Ansem's head. "Right! To counseling we go!" He grabbed Ansem by the collar and dragged him through the sand, "And I probably need it more then you do. How did I get roped into this? Why did I ever agree to go along with Donald and Goofy? I need an exorcism! I swear I'm possessed!" 

Ansem came to and began to scream about the indignity of him being dragged off by a little kid, but only saw more stars in front of his eyes and thus, this cycle continued till Sora reached the Counselor's office.

" 'Ello, I am Dr. Etenboggin," the man said in a German accent. His hair was as wild as Einstein's. "Now, vat is the problem?" 

"I am Ansem, seeker of the darkness!" Ansem screamed, going into the preacher mode immediately.

"Shut up!" Sora screeched, jumped up and grabbing Ansem's throat. "Stop with the freaking god ***** darkness sermons or so help me I will send you to your grave!" 

"Is he one of those peoplez obsessed vith the darkness?" asked Dr. Etenboggin.

"Yes!" Sora screeched, still throwing Ansem's head around in attempt to keep him shut up. 

"There is nothing I can do," stated the Dr. at the same instant.

"WHAT?!" Sora screamed at the top of his lungs, forgetting Ansem completely. "SO I DISHED OUT TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS FOR NOTHING BUT A THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO?!" 

"Yes," the Dr. said, unconcerned. 

"YEEEE-AAAAAHH!" Sora screamed and launched himself at the Dr. 

"I AM ANSEM!" Ansem began again, thus chaos ensued for the rest of the one-hour session.

Session 2 

"Let's try again," Sora said, his hands itching to strangle one of the two people in the room. "What can you do for him Dr.?"  
  


"Something, of course," the Dr. said, having not forgotten the sever bruising his trachea had received from Sora for the previous answer. 

"Then what is it?" Sora asked. He had himself conveniently perched atop Ansem, duck tape strapped across the maniac's mouth.

"Well, we could try hitting him over the head," the Dr. began. To late.

There was a loud bang and a rip, followed by a scream and then another loud whack. 

"Who am I?" asked Ansem, looking around bemused. 

"You are…you are Phred!" Sora declared. 

Ansem/Phred looked at Sora, smiled and nodded. "I am Phred!" 

"Very good!" Dr. Etenboggin clapped and handed Sora the bill, which only earned him another throttling session. 

Phred stood idly by, smiling all the will like a total idiot.

Session 3 

"SORA!" screamed Tidus. "SHUT PHRED UP!"

Ansem/Phred was yapping his head off, worse then Selphi, and it took a lot to be worse then Selphi. 

"Phred, shut up!" Sora yelled. 

"But why? You all need such discipline! I'm glad I'm around! You're parents did a horrible job raising you!" Ansem/Phred shot back and turned to Selphi to continue his lecture.

"THAT'S IT!" Sora screeched, feeling himself on the verge of going insane. 

WHACK!

"I AM ANSEM!!"

WHACK!  
  


"Where? What?"

WHACK!  
  


"I AM ANSEM!"

WHACK!

"Where? What?" 

WHACK!

"Oops," Sora said. Selphi and Tidus looked over his shoulder at the now clearly brain damaged Ansem, who by now had a sever concussion.

"Oh well!" Selphi smiled. She grabbed Sora and Tidus, dragging them to the house. "Time for party celebrating the death of Phred!"

And so it was. Though, Ansem, in the end, needed a little more counseling then he could afford when he woke up. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Alright, alright, I know, I know. This is total insanity and you have no clue why I wrote it and it's the stupidest thing you ever read. But hey, it's my world, and you just live in it. Please R&R. Thank you!


End file.
